Sunday, March 26, 2006

Nazi Hairdresser

I think there is a law out there that says you cannot continuously, for any great amount of time, be happy with your haircuts. It would throw off the laws of the universe if you went on a streak of good experiences. This is why the gods intervene every now and then to make sure that does not happen.

This week, I had my required intermittent encounter with this law...and I am pi$$ed. I should have known better. When I made the appointment and got the answer, sorry "Regular Hairdresser" is not in for 2 weeks...why why why did I say, "Oh, that's fine, give me someone else. I really need to get an appointment." The color and highlights went fine. "Regular Colorist" did a great job as usual. And then the handoff...

Enter Nazi Hairdresser...her instructions?: "I just want a trim." I don't know, to me, that means that every single hair on my head should be trimmed about a quarter inch at most and only if needed and I should be walking out of there looking about the same as I did when I got there. What does she do??...lops off 2 inches...oh yeah, that's what I really wanted. Yes, and put layers in even though I didn't ask for them. Do what you want because clearly I'm drunk or something and cannot really describe what I want. She must have been trained by the same people at our company cafeteria. Not only did she layer my hair when I did not ask her can't even call it "layers". She basically chopped off all the hair from my crown to one bob-length and left the hair at the bottom long. Can you say "1980's??" about 2 haircuts going on at once?? I'm surprised she didn't give me a mullet.

There are a few things to note about hairdressers: 1) If you are not their regular client, they will not care about you. They will not bother to check with you to confirm what they are doing or have any conversation with you for that matter. What do they care? Especially if they know they are just a stand-in for your regular hairdresser. This must infuriate them. 2) They will always want to give you layers!!! WHY WHY WHY????? This is the most difficult haircut to grow out. It's like they know this. They don't like your long hair and want to do whatever it takes to force you to cut it off. 3) When you tell them you don't like it, they will not agree. Really, is it your opinion that matters here or MINE?? I think I'm the one who has to live with it, not YOU!!!!!!!!!! 4) The people you speak to at the salon afterwards will force you to come in again so they can "fix it". I can understand fixing a haircut that ended up too long. How on earth does one fix it if it's too short???? Is there some magic wand they have that will make the hair grow back immediately? NO. So this compromise is in no way soothing. Why don't they at the very least give you your money back? If I went to a restaurant, ordered a salad and they brought me a burger...I would not be expected to pay for the burger. Why then, am I expected to pay for a bird's nest on my head when all I asked for was a trim????

I hope she goes bald for the entire length of time it's going to take me to grow all my hair back to the length it was...I would curse here but I'm trying to keep this blog clean.


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